I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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