mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
