my room smells like sperm. sweet.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
