He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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