My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Randomize
