you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
