My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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