I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
