No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
