i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
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