Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
4 words: hood of his car
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
my poor anus
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
