Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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