Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
