I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You are a genius and a whore.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
