I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
