the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
