I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
