That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
