lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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