I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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