You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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