We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
