dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
