so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
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OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize