oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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