so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
