i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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