So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
