you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize