and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
