I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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