My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
