maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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