i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
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