I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
