The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
