Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
