Is it normal to miss your booty call?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
