absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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