question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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