i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I need to wash the frat house off of me
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
