I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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