your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
