Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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