So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
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last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
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Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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