i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
