Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
