you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
