The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
