the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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