So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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