I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
