I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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