I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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