We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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