what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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