On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
