made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
