those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
