seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
