When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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