Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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