You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
