So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
