i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
