This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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