Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
