when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
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...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
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Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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