Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
