As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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