Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
