Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
