Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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