seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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