she kept yelling 'call me bella'
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
