...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
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The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I need to sanitize my soul.
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JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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