i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
