Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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