WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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