stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
