Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You are a genius and a whore.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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