So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
