how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
