yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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