I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
